Pet Lady
Grieving: Losing a Pet
Q: We just recently lost our dog to
leukemia. I had no idea how much it
would hurt. She was only with us for a
few years. Even the cat seems sad. Our friends think we are crazy for being
upset for so many months and say we should just get another dog. Is this normal to be so upset over a dog? Would a replacement help?
I’m
so sorry for your loss. I too just lost
one of my animal companions, and I can say from personal experience as well as
years of counseling others, that your feelings are completely normal. Animal companions play so many roles in our
lives. They may be our child, the ideal
companion, playmate, or sibling. They
are ever faithful, patient, and loving. They greet us with such joy when we
come home. We are their world, and what
a wonderful feeling that is. Whether
animals share our lives for a short or long period, their loss can deeply
affect us both physically and emotionally.
Sometimes more than we realize. Often
friends and families do not understand—after all it’s just an animal. However, the grieving process is the same
whether we lose a person or an animal in our lives, especially when the
relationship is a close one. We may go
through stages of shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and eventually acceptance. Grief is such an individual process, and
family members may progress through the grieving cycle at a different rate. One person may still be in denial while
another is angry at the situation, causing each person to feel very alone in
their quest to make sense of the loss of a good friend. It’s important to seek help during this
time. Veterinarians may be able to refer
families to a grief counselor or your clergy may be of help. We also offer pet loss counseling at
You
mention that your cat even seems sad. Animals
do grieve, especially if the animals have never spent much time away from each
other. They may have lost their
playmate, snuggle buddy, or mealtime friend.
Even animals who may never have seemed close, often wander around the house
looking for the animal who was once there.
The best thing the humans can do for animals who are grieving is to not
change anything in the animal’s schedule.
Often we pay more attention to the grieving animal. We may add table scraps to their food to get
them to eat, or we talk differently to the animal feeling their pain. These are all things that will actually create
more problems. The extra attention may bring on separation anxiety. The change
of food can cause an animal to become a finicky eater. The sympathy voice
rewards their sadness. They will get
over their loss much quicker if we continue with their normal schedule and
treat them the same way. This also helps
us get back into the swing of things too!
Explaining the loss of a pet to children is another difficult scenario. We want to protect them from the pain. Death is a natural part of life, and children need to be given permission to grieve and made part of the process. Usually children will work through their grief faster than adults, but patience is of the utmost importance as they do so. They will often ask questions, sometimes the same ones over and over, as they work through what it all means in their minds. Be prepared to discuss death and grieving honestly with your child. Never say that “God took the pet” or the pet was “put to sleep.” The child may begin to have fears that God will take other family members and be afraid to go to sleep.
Recovering from the loss of a beloved animal companion takes time. Allow yourself to grieve. You have lost a good friend. At some future date you may be ready to find another furry friend to share your life, but wait until you have time to grieve this loss. When it’s time, you will know. Remember a new friend is not a replacement, but a new adventure--with new lessons to be learned and new blessings to be received.
